Dear         ہمراز

My parents want me to marry someone from my baba’s family. I met him years ago. Now I met him again three months ago when they gave the Rishta. He’s not a bad person, but I don’t know him or his family. Everyone is in a hurry to accept the Rishta and say yes. I think it’s because I want to say no.

My question is, should just do Nikkah with someone else in secret? That way, my parents can’t make me marry him. It’s not like I’m in love with anyone, but there are many men I know much better than this guy. I would rather spend my life with someone I know than with a stranger.

Looking for an out,


(edited for length and clarity)

Dear Fareen,

I wish there was a simple answer. There are a few questions you need to ask yourself before you make any kind of decision۔

Question 1: Is this decision not even to consider this guy coming from a place of not wanting to marry THIS guy or not wanting to marry this guy because your family is recommending him? Dig deep?  You are obviously not against getting married. And you are ready to marry someone you are not in love with.

Question 2: Have the reasons been clearly communicated to your family as to why you don’t want to marry this guy? Many times the real problems get lost in translation. It feels like we are clear about the situation, but we think that way because we are transparent in our heads, it might not feel that way to others.

Question 3: Have you asked your parents and other adults why this person? Why now? Are you clear on that? Again, so much gets lost in translation. Not that any reason would be good enough to force you to do anything you don’t want to. However, finding out their reasons might make it easier for you to talk to them in their language and make them understand.

So many times in these kinds of situations, we assume the other party understands and doesn’t care, or we assume that they just don’t care to even find out about our reasons. We have to stop guessing and give it our all before going to extreme measures. I am not ALWAYS against extreme measures, but if those measures are not going to make you happy, then why?

Im not in the business of giving yes or no answers, but this one time, I would say NO to marrying some random guy to avoid marrying some random guy.

 I think this is a very high-stress high emotional situation for you. Tell your family you might think about it if you had the time and less stress of having to decide in a hurry.

Don’t ruin your life with someone else in fear of ruining your experience with this one.

I hope this helps.

Write back. Let me know if any of this was helpful.

Comment, like, share, ask away.

Im Always Here.

Yourہمراز .

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